


lovers ever run before the clock

by caseyvalhalla



Category: Free!
Genre: Boys Kissing, Developing Relationship, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 10:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2578631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseyvalhalla/pseuds/caseyvalhalla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Rei gives Nagisa a day planner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lovers ever run before the clock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maudlintrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maudlintrash/gifts).



> Interhigh Exchange fic! I hope it's to your liking. I intended something more 'shenanigans' and it ended up being ridiculously cute relationship fluff, but let's be real: it is nigh impossible to write these two as anything other than dumb and in love.
> 
> Extra special thanks to Lisa, Sabs, and Bones for alpha/beta-reading, helping me brainstorm, and listening to me whine and flail for the last month. This is my first time writing Free! Kinda sad that it was too small and brief in scope to include all of the characters, but maybe there will be another chance in the future. ;)
> 
> Title quoted from The Merchant of Venice.

Nagisa would probably call himself a romantic, given the opportunity.  Probably.  Nagisa thought big, planned big, thrived on spontaneity and inflated emotions, and all of these things correlated to romance—so, he figured, should actual romance ever happen to him, he would most likely instantly grow an additional ten centimeters in height to encompass the burgeoning mass of romanticism threatening to burst forth from his very being.

Thus, in a fitting jump-start to their final year of high school, he officially (and Nagisa was very proud of the official-ness of it all) began dating one very flustered and wonderfully self-conscious Ryugazaki Rei.  So when, after roughly two week of shy hand-holding and unbearably cute outings and study dates, he was informed one morning by his

B O Y F R I E N D

(this was a very important word that Nagisa used very importantly and thought of very importantly in large flashing capital letters)

\--with a determined shrug of his shoulders and careful adjustment to the red-framed glasses perched on his nose, that “Nagisa-kun, if you have time after practice today, I have a…”

Rei paused here, and Nagisa was certain it was for dramatic effect.  His hand had moved from his glasses to cover his mouth slightly and his head was tilted to the side, along with his eyes, not quite able to look at Nagisa directly, sporting the lightest of pink just across the jut of his cheekbones.

Rei cleared his throat in an attempt to regain composure.  “A gift.  A… special gift.  For you.”

In the period of time that followed, after the teacher firmly instructed him to please get off of Ryugazaki-kun’s desk, thank you, the single thought that occupied Nagisa’s mind was:

_Special gift from Rei-chan._

And that thought compounded itself, starting off with innocuous things like parfaits and phone straps.  Then elevating to shared diaries and couples events, then steamrolling onwards into wondering if Rei had booked them a weekend at an onsen, or a romantic island getaway.   _Or,_ in the farthest stretches of Nagisa’s overactive imagination, maybe he’d somehow secured Nagisa his very own rockhopper penguin.  Probably illegally, but Rei was intelligent and cunning enough to not get caught; Nagisa firmly believed in his potential as an evil mastermind.

By the end of the school day Nagisa was full to brimming with possibilities.  They were leaking out of his pores, tumbling from his ears, buzzing in his nerves, and barely withheld behind his teeth every time he opened his mouth.  Especially in Rei’s presence.  Especially when Rei was taking a commanding pose with the pool on one side of him and the four new team members on the other, going over Kou’s training plan with a level of confidence that made him sparkle.

Although that may have just been Nagisa and the stars in his eyes.  He spent the entirety of the speech with his fists balled under his chin, staring at Rei like a fan gawking at their favorite idol.  Which led to Rei finally pausing with a deep, sidelong look at Nagisa and asking if the vice-captain had anything to add.  To which Nagisa replied dreamily, “Rei-chan is so cool!”  In response to which Rei-chan abruptly stopped being cool and became profoundly embarrassed, while their new team looked on and chuckled nervously.

They would learn.

Nagisa couldn't stand himself once practice was over and the others had gone ahead; Rei was adjusting his tie and sitting on his heels, frowning at whatever string of thoughts were marching through his mind.  Nagisa enjoyed watching him think, watching the muscles in his jaw twitch and wondering just what was happening in there.  Calculations?  Worries?  Plans for world domination?  All of the above?  He tilted his head, arms across his knees, and slowly scooted closer to Rei until his chin was nearly on his shoulder.

"Rei-chan."

Not too long ago, Rei invariably jumped out of his skin when Nagisa snuck up on him and spoke in his ear.  They had only been dating for two weeks, but already Rei's reaction was very slightly less alarmed.  At least, this was how Nagisa interpreted him exploding off the floor and scurrying away with his backpack covering his chest like a shield.

They were definitely growing closer.

"Rei-chan," he said again, and stretched out a lazy smile when Rei sighed in response, body going limp against the shoe lockers in defeat.  "Rei-chan, is it time for my present?"

"What?"

"My present!"  Nagisa's smile dropped abruptly into a moody pout.  It was playful, not threatening, and Rei probably knew the difference by now.  They had only been dating two weeks, but they'd been friends for two years.  That was very important, and it made Nagisa even happier.  "You didn't forget my present, did you?"

"Your--OH!"  Rei arrived at realization in the same way he arrived at answers to math problems, in a slow expansion that widened his eyes, turned up his lips, tugged his shoulders and straightened his back until it seemed like even his hair was puffing out in self-satisfaction.  "Yes, I have it right here."

Alarm forgotten, pout forgotten, Rei dove into the contents of his backpack and Nagisa practically thrummed in anticipation, on his knees and wiggling his hips impatiently, eyes as round as manjuu, hands fisted under his chin.   _Present, present, present, present--_

"Ta-da!" Rei announced triumphantly, and held up a small black notebook.

...

Nagisa tilted his head to the side, not sure what he was looking at.  There did seem to be a number of colored tabs sticking out around the edges, and his name written on the front in permanent marker that was shinier than the cover's surface, kanji marching neatly down one side in Rei's sharp handwriting.

He wasn't sure if he felt a little jab of disappointment because it wasn't a penguin, or because it wasn't edible.  Or both.

"I sense your confusion," Rei assured him, sitting back on his heels and adjusting his glasses with a flourish.  "Please, allow me to explain the glorious details and extensive preparation involved in this humble gift."

Nagisa perked back up with interest and Rei took that as his cue to clear his throat and launch into his sales pitch.

"This notebook contains a detailed planner spanning the remainder of the school year, including daily class time, practice, study, vacations, projected swim meet participation factored to the highest probability, traditional family activities, exam preparation, and biweekly dates."  Rei brandished the notebook proudly, opening it with a greater flourish and displaying the colorful interior.  "Each task is color-coded for easy at-a-glance comprehension and important events are tabbed for convenience.  I've also included a compendium of leadership strategies, a personalized meal plan, and Kou's training regimen, optimized for breaststroke swimmers.  I call it the Ultimate Day Planner, Mark III!”

Rei struck one of his coolest poses as the speech ended, sparkles radiating from his self-satisfaction.  Nagisa clapped politely, mouth in a small impressed circle.

How much time and effort had it taken to plan out and color-code nearly an entire year of activities?  Nagisa took the notebook from Rei for a better look, open to a date sometime in October.  Rei's work was meticulous, highlighting class time, breaks, practice, studying, even pauses for snacks (and suggested foods for snacking).  To say he was flabberghasted would probably be an understatement.  Nagisa wasn't entirely sure what to even feel.

"Naturally, some adjustments may be necessary, although my projections should be accurate to within a few tenths of a percent."  Rei folded his arms, head tilted back proudly, waiting for Nagisa to praise him.  There was no greater reward than Nagisa laughing and saying _oh, Rei-chan, you're so smart and wonderful and talented, what would I do without you?_

What Nagisa actually said, after a few minutes of silent pondering and poring through the colorful pages of the day planner, was, "What does pink mean?"

"Eh?"

"The pink bars, here."  Nagisa held up the page for August the 23rd.  "There's practice, and then 'in transit,' and then studying at your house, but there are breaks during the study time colored pink."  Food breaks were in dark red, the color of sweet bean paste--Nagisa thought it was appropriate; Rei was using the same color for lunch breaks at school.

"Ahh."  Rei sat back on his heels, abruptly deflating, one curled fist in front of his mouth.  "Yes, well.  That--those breaks are for--"

There was the faintest hint of pink on his cheeks, and Nagisa had enough of a suspicion to lean forward over the open notebook a bit.  "For…?"

Rei coughed emphatically, in an effort to regain his composure.  "Pink breaks are for k-kissing."

"Oh."  Nagisa leaned even further, up on his knees, hands still gripping the notebook on either side, knuckles landing on Rei's thighs as he drew closer.  "Kissing?"

"Well.  It seemed... _appropriate_ , given our current... relationship."  Rei was doing the thing where he tried desperately to pretend he wasn't embarrassed and that Nagisa wasn't invading his personal space.

"Just kissing?"

Rei's eyes widened comically.  "Wh--what else are you suggesting?"

Nagisa's eyes narrowed, smile curling up wickedly.  "Other things."

"M-most--most certainly not!  I've... been made aware of how _other things_ work between men and such activities could compromise athletic performance."

"Really," Nagisa purred, nose practically brushing against Rei's.  "Tell me more."

"I don't believe this is the time and place, Nagisa-kun--"

"Isn't it?"  Nagisa spread his smile out flat and flirty.  "I think it's the perfect time."

"N-Nagisa-kun--"

Nagisa leaned up a fraction, planting a brief, soft kiss on Rei's lips.  He closed his eyes just long enough for the moment itself, appreciating the gentle pressure and warmth, and when he opened them Rei was beet red.

"Breathe, Rei-chan."

"N--na-na-na-na--"

"BREATHE."

Rei sucked in a breath through his nose, and covered his face in his hands.  "Why did you do that now.  It wasn't beautiful."

"It was completely beautiful."

"It was random!"

"It wasn't random at all!"  Nagisa tugged Rei's hands down, curling his own around them.  "It was to thank you."

Rei seemed to comprehend that, after a few seconds in which Nagisa worried that he'd need to get a paper bag for him to breathe into.  Then his color began returning to normal.  "Oh."

"Oh," Nagisa echoed, kindly.  Rei was a bit high strung, but he knew that before this began.  It was one of his more charming features, in Nagisa's opinion.  Maybe because he was always able to talk him down.

Maybe because that meant Rei trusted him, more than anything.

 

* * *

 

In retrospect, Nagisa wasn't all that sure that meticulously planning and compartmentalizing his life was the greatest idea, but Rei had gone through the trouble, and Rei was so proud, that he decided he had to at least try it.  He'd never been good at eating healthy, but having a menu laid out made it easier--he didn't have to come up with things on his own, which almost always resulted in eating junk.  It also helped that Rei was with him most of the time, had practically memorized everything in the day planner and could recite it on cue, and did so with or without prompting.  Usually whenever they were done with class and practice and Nagisa was overrun with suggestions for how to spend the evening.

"Forty-five minutes of studying before dinner," Rei reminded him.  "Extended study time after.  I'll be coming over so we can work on the literature review."

"But we could stop at the bakery on the way home--"

"I believe your snack for the day is a protein shake."

"It could have been strawberry shortcake."

"I'm completely positive it wasn't."

Rei not offering a margin of error meant he knew Nagisa was lying.  "We could get strawberry shortcake anyway."

"We're not scheduled for an outing of that nature until Saturday."

Nagisa's shoulders slumped under the straps of his bookbag, sighing forlorn at the ground.  "Stingy."

"This is in consideration for your overall well-being.  The meal plan I laid out is optimal for building muscle mass and maintaining the energy levels necessary to endure the grueling study requirements of the third year of high school."

"Yes, yes, I know."  Nagisa slumped forward, arms dangling limp, letting out a resigned sigh.  He was pretty sure he could form a long and convincing argument for how and why strawberry shortcake was just as necessary for his well-being as proper nutrition and training, but by the time he reached his conclusion, they would have arrived at his house anyway.

Also, sometimes it was more effective to just display his disappointment.

Rei's expression was tight and concerned for several seconds, then melted into a small, placating smile.  "When we go out this weekend, I promise we'll get a big slice of strawberry shortcake to share."

Both of Nagisa's arms flew into the air, hands balled into fists.  "Yay!"

 

* * *

 

"Rei-chan, Rei-chan, Kou texted me last night after she went over our practice scores, and she says I beat my own record by over five seconds!"

"That's great news!  You've been working hard.  I can tell how well you're improving, just watching you."

"Why thank you, Captain-chan."

"Please don't use -chan with captain."

"Let's go out and celebrate after practice.  Yes?  We can go to the new burger place at the train station!"

"Although I do think you deserve a reward, you know that there isn't any wiggle room in the schedule for tonight."

"But..."

"Ahh, weren't you going to stay for dinner at my house after studying?  I'll call my dad on break and ask if he can make curry."

"Ooooh, okay.  Can we go to the burger place another time?"

"Of course."

 

* * *

 

Nagisa adopted the habit of watching the clock on Rei's wall carefully, something he'd never done before--especially when he was at Rei's house and time was immaterial.  There were days Nagisa would have been perfectly happy if it stopped, or left them where they were and continued on through the next few centuries without them.  Those were the kinds of thoughts he used to have, loose daydreams while tapping the eraser of a pencil against an open textbook.

Now he watched the text swim on the page while furtively darting his gaze to the side, watching the minute hand tick its unbearably slow pace towards the twelve.  On the other side of the table, Rei was bent over with one curled fist pressed nearly over his mouth, bangs dangling down far enough to obscure his eyes.  He made a small huff, a sound that either meant he was frustrated by a math problem or unable to digest a piece of information.

They were due for a break.  Nagisa knew it; he'd checked the day planner five times to make sure.  Rei would never agree to breaking early, though, so he tore his eyes away from the clock and tried to absorb just one more paragraph.

There were probably about thirty seconds left when Nagisa hit his limit and flung both arms into the air, half to stretch, half to express his displeasure.  "Rei-chan, break now."

"Hmmfh?"  Rei drew his head up from the pose that hadn't shifted in nearly twenty minutes, as though he was waking up from sleep.  "Is it time?"

"It's time."

Rei tilted his head towards the clock, nudging at his glasses with one crooked knuckle.  "A bit early."

Nagisa groaned, dropping both arms across the table and shoving his face into the textbook.  "It's tiiiiiiiime."

It turned out that kissing breaks, unlike their name, largely involved Nagisa tackling Rei on his bed and collapsing on top of him until Rei was suitably red in the face.  Which was also nice, and usually ended in a few soft kisses anyway.  Nagisa wouldn't begrudge a single moment out of some idea that their relationship needed to be more and faster.

Although in this case, when Rei finally conceded that he could let the extra fifteen seconds go this one time, he supposed, Nagisa wasted no time climbing over the table and into his lap.

"E-eager today, Nagisa-kun?"  Rei was doing the thing, again.  The _no I'm not embarrassed and you are not unexpectedly far into my personal space_ head-tilt aloofness.

Nagisa laughed a low, exhausted laugh and dropped his forehead to Rei's shoulder, but it was less of a headbutt and more of a subtle need for support.  "Hug me?"

"..." Rei's tense silence seemed odd in face of the request.  Was hugging really so intimate, compared to kissing?  Surely one was simpler than the other.  At length his hands settled on Nagisa's back, then his arms slid around him, like measuring the difference between Nagisa's short, slim frame and his own.  Then Rei's head tilted into the crook of Nagisa's neck with a low hum, and his shoulders began to relax.

"Everything is okay, right?" Rei murmured, after using two of the fifteen precious minutes he'd allocated specifically for intimacy.

"Mmhm."  Nagisa's nose was pressed against Rei's shirt collar.  It smelled like laundry soap, a little like some light, tasteful cologne.  "I just needed to absorb some of your energy to enhance my intelligence."

Rei made a noise that was entirely embarrassed but flattered dismissal.  "You're just as intelligent as me on your own."

Nagisa lifted his head, arms settled on Rei's shoulders, to look down at him critically.  He remained there for maybe another minute of the already dwindling break, gently tugging Rei's glasses free and setting them safely aside.  "Rei-chan, let's get married."

"What--"

"You can schedule it.  In the planner, right?"

"I don't think that--"

"If it's in the planner, we have to do it."

Rei's expression morphed fantastically, from alarmed and confused, to befuddled, to twitching in amusement.  His eyes were brighter without his glasses, face open and younger, more vulnerable.  "Sometimes I still can't tell whether or not you're joking."

"Perfect," Nagisa murmured, mouth hovering just above Rei's lips, and kissed him.

He stopped thinking about time, space or distance and whatever amount was remaining.  He thought about Rei's fingers against the back of his neck,  Rei's breath puffing out through his nose against his cheek, Rei's hair cool and silky between his fingers, and perhaps most importantly, how Rei's voice caught somewhere in his throat and how slick and warm the inside of his mouth felt.  How he tasted a bit like barley tea.

_Beep.  Beep.  Beep._

"Nagisa-kun..."

"Ignore it," he breathed into the damp sliver of space between their mouths.  "Just a few more minutes."

When Rei paused, inhaling like he was preparing to protest, Nagisa added a small, less passionate, more honest, "Please."

Rei's pause lasted another heartbeat that managed to encompass all of Nagisa's hopes and fears and desires and a strange sensation; a deep need for release and relief waiting desperately to be fulfilled, and it had nothing to do with their physical activities.

_Please, just let it go.  Just this one time._

Rei exhaled.  "It's not that I want to stop--"

Nagisa slumped where he was, arms dropping limp at his sides, still feeling where Rei's warmth had soaked into his body, everywhere.  "Yeah.  I know."

Rei's expression was twisted into consternation, like he was mentally flailing for the correct tactic to use for reassurance.  Nagisa couldn't stand it, couldn't stand the sinking, twisting feeling in his gut and diffused it the best way he knew how.  He picked up Rei's glasses from where he'd left them folded on the table, and perched them on his own nose.  "This is for your overall well-being, Nagisa-kun," he intoned, fingers poised over his chin.

As designed, Rei sputtered a bit, but his mouth was turned upwards.  "Come on, I don't sound like that."

"This impersonation is not beautiful," Nagisa mimicked.

"I need those to study!"

"Haha," Nagisa crowed, scrambling around the table as Rei made a playful, half-hearted grab for him.  "Rei-chan's one weakness is now mine!"

"Nagisaaaa--"

He settled back on his own floor cushion, smirking at Rei's distress for another second before relenting, plucking the glasses off of his face and leaning over to put them back in their proper place.  "Back to work then, Rei-chan."

He forgave Rei for everything when he smiled fondly, eyes softening in a way that made Nagisa's stomach turn somersaults.  "Back to work."

 

* * *

 

And that was the vein that life continued in, punctuated by the words "that's not on the schedule" and the sound of Rei's watch timer beeping.  Each time it sounded harsher, and each time Nagisa found it harder to bounce back.  The descent was slow enough that it seemed nonexistent, just a gentle slope, like gradually losing a fraction of a second on your race time--the score was essentially the same but you never actually noticed until the clock actually ticked a notch lower.

Kou was frowning at the stopwatch, Nagisa still in the water with one arm over the ropes, tugging at his swim cap, feeling the world around him like a fog, dense and thick like he was still underwater.

"I don't understand," Kou murmured to her clipboard, and her voice was more concerned than chastising but the edges of it raked over him anyway.  "You were doing so well just a few weeks ago.  Is everything okay?"

"Mm."  Nagisa's voice and expression were noncommittal, and he covered both by grabbing the edge of the pool and hefting himself out of the water.  "Guess I'm not feeling so hot today."

"I see.  Well, we don't want you to come down with something before prefecturals, right?"  She squatted down next to him, hugging the clipboard between her knees and her stomach, red hair fanning out over her back as she leaned down to peer at his face.  "How about you sit in the sun and stretch for the rest of practice?"

"What's that?  Our militant manager letting me off the hook?"

"I have been known to show compassion from time to time."

"Then I'd best take it while it's being offered, right?"  Nagisa swung his legs up onto the concrete.  "As you command, General Matsuoka."

Stretching by himself may or may not have been in his best interest, Nagisa reflected by the end of practice, sunset stretching orange through the sky overhead and reflecting in glints of pink over the pool.  He was still in his suit, knees tucked up to his chin, contemplating the water in pensive silence.

He should probably have told Kou, after what happened last year.  It wasn't like his mid-quarter grades had been poor--far from it--but his math score was still worryingly low and his parents had what was probably a knee-jerk reaction.  The confrontation ended well, the night before.  They apologized, assured him they wouldn't make him quit swim team.  They were just concerned.

_We know you're working hard and doing your best.  That's all we could ask of you._

Nagisa didn't hear the footsteps approaching but did hear the huff and thump of a body dropping to sit beside him.  He raised his head slightly from his arms and saw Rei mirroring his position, maybe an inch or two from his side.  Close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body.  Rei hadn't changed yet, goggles pushed up into his hair so his bangs stuck up comically, still dripping.  Rei's eyes were deep purple, accented by the sunset, phenomenally kind when they settled on Nagisa.  Something surged up in his chest.

"Rei-chan."  Nagisa wasn't sure if the lump in his throat was a thick ball of stress and responsibility, or imminent tears, or both.  "Let's go to the beach.  Let's just go sit and watch the stars come out."

Rei's eyes widened, then narrowed in concern.  He unfolded slowly, turning and sitting crosslegged to face Nagisa, reaching out to take both of Nagisa's hands in his.  "That sounds wonderful.  Let's do that--”

Nagisa held his breath, pleading silently, _please don’t say it.  Don’t say what I think you’re going to say._

“--this weekend, during our free time."

All of the stress and disappointment and negative energy that had built up in Nagisa for the last few weeks, the last few months, maybe even longer than that rolled up into a ball in his chest and promptly exploded.

"No!"

He snapped and didn't care, tugging his hands away from Rei’s grasp.  It was childish and selfish and he didn't care.  "Not this weekend.  Not when there's time in the schedule.  Right now.  I want to go to the beach and lay in the sand and stare at the sky and not care about schedules for once!"

"Nagisa..."  Rei seemed perplexed, maybe a little out of his depth, but his concern sounded a lot more like reproach, like Kou's had.  "I know it's frustrating at times, but it's a matter of self-discipline; if you make an exception once, you'll be tempted to make another, and then another, until the system falls apart.  It may seem hard right now, but in the end you'll be glad you stuck to the schedule."

"I don't care about the schedule!"

The stunned expression on Rei's face almost made him feel bad.  It _did_ make him feel bad, just a bit, or maybe more than that, down in the pit of his stomach.

"Is the schedule all that matters to you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then act like it!"

Nagisa probably didn't mean to sound as spiteful as he did.  He probably didn't mean to yell loud enough that Kou peered out of the club room in alarm.  He probably didn't mean to dress in a mad flurry and storm off campus by himself, leaving a confused, hurt and floundering Rei in his wake.

He probably didn't mean to, but he did.

 

* * *

 

No one was home in the Hazuki household, and Nagisa wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse.  On one hand, there was no one around to ask what was wrong, why his face was red and tear-streaked, why he stormed through the house and directly into his room and flung himself face down on his bed, sniffling.

On the other hand, his sisters weren't there to coddle him and give him sweets until he stopped feeling like a wreck.  It was a paradox, wanting comfort but not wanting to have to talk about it.

"Idiot," he muttered into the pillow, not sure who he was even talking about anymore.

When his phone rang, Nagisa was going to ignore it, at first.  Then he snatched it up intending to answer it and give Rei a piece of his mind.  Then sat it down again before thumbing the answer key.

Then looked at the screen and saw that it wasn't Rei's name flashing there.

He lifted the phone back up, pressing the button with some reluctance.  "Hello," he said, hating how his voice cracked around the lump in his throat.  "Makoto?"

"Nagisa."  The concern was already there in Makoto's voice, he could hear the way whatever he was going to say disappeared and was immediately replaced with protective sympathy.  "What's wrong?"

"Rei is an idiot," Nagisa sniffled.

Makoto’s voice remained at the same timbre, not alarmed, not surprised.  "Mm, is that so?"

"He is.  He's the biggest, dumbest idiot ever."

"Hold on a sec."  The phone rustled on the other end, something beeping in the background and Haru's voice murmured something he didn't quite catch.  "You're on speaker, is that okay?  Tell us what happened."

Makoto had probably called to hear about the team, to see if he needed advice or encouragement, but instead he sat and listened to Nagisa explain everything--about the day planner, about how inflexible Rei was, about what just happened after practice.  He listened, offering prompts, gentle responses, making sure he understood the details.  That was how Makoto listened; fully and from every angle.

By the time he was done explaining Nagisa had reached the point of saturation, rubbing at his cheeks with his wrists, cowed and a little ashamed of himself.  "That was bad, right?  I got really angry.  I shouldn't have yelled like that."

Makoto hummed, a slow thoughtful sound over the phone.  "Maybe not, but I think you're right to feel upset."

"Do you think he's mad now?"

"Not mad, no."

"I should apologize, huh?"

"Don't resist the water," Haru's voice intoned in an echo, someplace further from the phone.  "Thrust your fingers in and carve a path."

Makoto's low laughter punctuated the familiar adage.  "Well, he has a point."

"I don't know what to do."

"That's pretty normal, too."  Makoto paused with a low sigh and he could just hear Haru in the background, continuing under his own power with some extended metaphor about streams meeting in the ocean.  "Maybe before you apologize you should really think about what it is that you want.  If you understand that, you'll know how to make things right."

"You think so?"

Something clattered in the background, like a pan being resettled on a stovetop.  "Water never truly disappears.  It evaporates and condenses and returns to its source."

Nagisa flopped onto his back, free hand rubbing over his aching forehead, contemplating the ridged texture of his ceiling.  "Okay," he murmured at length, listening to the sizzle of something cooking on the other end of the line, like through a long tunnel.  "I'll do it.  I'll do it tonight."

Haru's voice said something he couldn't make out and the phone rattled, muffled static over the line for a second and then Haru's voice was clear and close.  "Nagisa."

"Yes?"

"When you talk to Rei, make sure that you understand his feelings."

An hour later, still staring at his ceiling, phone silent and resting on his pillow, that was the only thought remaining in Nagisa's head.  Haru and Rei had a subtle understanding of each other, one that Nagisa envied at times.  There were still tears in his eyes, clinging to the corners, when he pushed up off the bed and picked up his shoulder bag and uniform jacket from where he'd tossed them on the floor.  His oldest sister was just arriving home when he pushed his feet into his shoes.

"I have something important I forgot to do," he assured her, not pausing for an explanation or further questions.  He had a train to catch.

 

* * *

 

It was dark enough that Rei was backlit in the doorway by the time Nagisa arrived, just a few lights on inside the apartment and the sweetish smell of rice cooking drifting out through the door.  He couldn't see Rei's face at first, but read his expression just in his posture, the way his shoulders seemed to drag the rest of his body down.  He didn't comment, just stood aside to let Nagisa in, stuck his head in the kitchen to let his mother know about the visit.

He didn't speak until they were closed up in his room, across the low table from each other, Rei kneeling properly on a cushion.  It was only then that Nagisa could see how red his eyes were, how unkempt he looked--hair a bit ruffled, wrinkles on his shirt, tie already discarded.  There was at least one smudge on his glasses that Nagisa could see.

Rei cleared his throat, looking down at the table between them and nowhere else.  "Is this it, then?  Is it--are we done?"

"What?"  Nagisa was so thrown off by the question that he forgot all the things he'd rehearsed saying in his head, on the train ride over.

Rei looked off to the side for a second before Nagisa could get his bearings.  "Are we breaking up?"

"No!  What--no, I mean."  Nagisa pulled all the threads of his thoughts together over the unexpected and painful feeling in his chest because Rei just looked so _hopeless_ _._  He looked like the opposite of everything he was, and it hurt.  "I don't want to.  I came here because I wanted to apologize.  And I’m sorry.  For getting angry.”

Rei’s voice was hoarse.  “I’m sorry, too.”

“And, um."  Nagisa reached into his bag to dig out the little black notebook, the unassuming day planner that started the entire mess.  "I wanted to talk some more about this, because I don't think I understand it."

Rei looked up at him, just briefly, maybe a little bit relieved but still choking on his own voice when he said, "I don't know what you mean."

"I guess..."  Nagisa trailed off, sat the notebook on the table between them and flipped it open.  "I mean that I know you worked hard on this, for me, but I don't know why.  I've thought about it, and I think that I need to know.  So that I understand why it's so important to you that I stick to the schedule you made."

On the plus side, Rei maintained eye contact while Nagisa talked, and that was probably a good sign.  "Well," he murmured, almost to himself, attention returning to the table's surface, although it lingered over the day planner for a moment.  "It's a little embarrassing."

"Embarrassing I can handle."  Nagisa offered a watery smile--he could deal with Rei embarrassed, flustered, shy--it was this hurt, distressed Rei that left him helpless.

"I just thought that--" Rei's voice squeaked slightly around the edges and he coughed again.  "I thought... it would be really nice if we could..." He trailed off into a thoughtful mumble, hidden behind one hand, and Nagisa almost couldn't stand it.

"Could?"

"...go to the same university."

Nagisa didn't speak for the next minute, mouth hanging open, thought process stuttering to a halt, then restarting in a maelstrom, heart pounding in his chest, and even a breathless "Rei-chan," didn't quite encompass the surge of emotion and the endless stream of possibilities rolling through his mind.  It was like before, when he'd tried to guess the present, but this time he was lost in a dozen daydreams of the future, all of which included this boy.

"So you made this... to help me study?  And improve my race times?"

Rei nodded silently, cheeks tinged pink, one hand worrying at his glasses.

"So I could get into the same school as you?"

Another nod.

The reach across the table was long, and Nagisa was short, but he managed it anyway, surging up onto his knees and flinging his arms around Rei's shoulders.  "You are an idiot!  Why didn't you tell me before?"

Rei's voice was stuttering somewhere near his shoulder.  "It was f-foolishly sentimental."

"Dummy."

They remained like that for a while, minutes that neither of them bothered to time, awkwardly draped over the table, until Nagisa finally let Rei escape and regain his composure.  And now he _had_ composure, rather than being painfully without, and that made Nagisa's heart settle back into place and a smile quirk up at the corners of his mouth.

"You worked really hard on this, and I don't want it to go to waste."  Nagisa flipped idly through the day planner, pondering, wanting to make this work out right for both of them.  "The meal plan is actually really helpful.  For me, though, I need more flexibility.  I need to be spontaneous once in a while, otherwise I feel stuck.  Like I did back in middle school.  That sort of regimen won't work for me."

Rei's eyes widened momentarily, and Nagisa wondered if that had slipped his mind in the planning or if he just hadn't made the connection before now.  "That's right.  I see.  In that case--"  His back straightened and he cast about the room for a second, then crawled over to the bookcase and grabbed a small, flat plastic case.  Kneeling back in place, he offered it to Nagisa formally with both hands.  "These are the markers I used.  Please take them and... if you need to make a change, please do so."

Nagisa felt himself inflating like a balloon, waiting to reach maximum capacity and drift off into the atmosphere.

"Ah, but do try to not go overboard."

"Of course!  I wouldn't want to undo all of your hard work, after all."  Nagisa grinned broadly and turned the case over in his hands, flipping open the snap to peer inside.  For Rei, he would do his best to stay on target.  And for him, Rei would accept that some changes were necessary.  It was perfect.

"Thank you, Rei-chan."

Rei stared at him wide eyed and red faced for a second before dragging his edges together and adjusting his glasses in an appropriately Rei-like fashion.  "You're welcome.  It's only healthy to make compromises in relationships like this, isn't it?"

"Mm, and I know exactly what I'm going to change first."

"Please don't go overboard, Nagisa-kun."

Humming, he flipped his way through to summer and found it--vacation time, the Obon festival.  Nagisa pulled the pink marker out of the case and began revising the schedule, marking the entirety of every day out in pink.

Rei made a strangled noise.  "Nagisa-kun, it is physically impossible to kiss for that long."

"Are you sure?  Maybe we should try it and find out."

"Nagisa-kun--"

"And if not, there are plenty of other things I can think of."

"I think you should give the pink pen back."

"Stingy."


End file.
